-shrugs-

I don't really know whether this weekend can be considered long - i mean after all when are weekends supposed to be classified as long right? Weekends are meant to be fun, even if they are exhausting they ought not to be classified as "long" coz' it's the only time in a whole week that you get to do things at ya own time, more than usual anyway.

But this weekend has been for me. Am I allowed to give up already? Am i allowed to be sad and angry with the world? Am I allowed to moan and gripe about things I have absolutely no control over? Am I allowed to whine about my current predicament, about how here I am trying as hard as I can, to find a way around everything - but to no avail each time?

The house nonsense is SHIT. it really is. I've, or rather we've scoured almost every place we can think of. We've called, begged - have had empty promises thrown into faces just to allay all the questions we might have. And you know, as hard as it is, I've tried to be the most optimistic I can be, I've prepped HOPE up, by having expectations - and this, even though, I've learnt long ago that any form of expectations always breeds disappointments. I wished that there was an easy way outta this - and there is, but it's just not within my nor my cousin's means.

It's hard to feel displaced. To feel lost and out of hope. To not know what's going on tommorrow's hard. To not know what might come up the day after's hard to. At the moment, in all honesty, I doubt myself, I doubt who I am, I doubt where my life is going, I doubt everything and anything that's going on at the moment.

I wished that hiding under my qulit and crying would just solve everything. I wish now, for a minute that I wasn't me. really. Because I'm finding it very hard to be me - now. Really.

If only insecurities didn't make up that much of me.