I'm still not ready to be BIG

Over the past couple of days, I learnt alot again. I experienced alot of feelings too, at the moment perhaps, I'm functioning on a culmination of exhaustion, caffeine, adrenaline and maybe even, way, way too much peanut butter, nutella and jelly sandwiches.

Most fundamentally though, I found a house. So now, my cousin and I have got a place to call our own. Whoopee. And the most ironic thing about it all, guess what was placed on the noticeboard on the place we so wanted to stay in - "ON SALE - 1 bedroom + study (or second bedroom) for AUD$330,000" but well, as luck would have it - or rather fate, or rather my life or whatever other thing you might want to call it, there's no way that my family can afford 330 grand - heck, i don't think my house in singapore is worth 330 grand neither does my dad have 330 grand in the bank after having to pay 2 years of my studies in australia. Some people really have got it, some people don't. Unfortunately in that respect, I don't.

I learnt too, that I've yet to be able to really handle all the responsibilities that might arise from really being adult. One of those things - money and bills. After two years of shit - I still get stressed out and befuddled by it all. I got a call today asking for us to connect this and that, putting in this that, setting up this and that - I had a hard time swallowing the amount of money we had to pay just to connect this shit-load of trash. I'm still mulling over it and worrying about it and doing all these strange things in my head that I'm starting to think perhaps, if I actually used half of the energy that I'm using to do all the stuff in my head, to understand contract or sell more phones, my life might be a tad easier now. Oh bother.

Daddy, I wished you were here to handle all this trash for me.

Then being part of this whole hell-uva, shithole but yet coolness of the week, I'm in this mooting competition with some of my friends from law and I've learnt so much. So, so, so much. Just in the first round there was this barrister who acted as the judge for my moot and he was so so so so cool. He actually said that practising in family law was fulfilling. There. That was so inspiring. I want to be a lawyer now. I really really really want to have a case, spend countless of hours staring at the computer, thinking about judgements and reading cases. There. what a day.

I'm whinging. Please forgive me.