Saying hello from the toilet

It seems lately that I find my solace not in my room, under my covers but more so in the 4 walls that make up the ladies in my house. The toilet in my house is a little different from the one that I have back home...once you're inside and you shut the door, you are completely shut out from the rest of the world (unless of course, someone decides to barge in whilst ya managing ya affairs), there's no windows whatsoever...and the sound of the air cleaner basically just drowns out whatever noises that is emitting from the outside. Be it the cries, the shrills of the children, the commotion that's going outside. It's a wonderful feeling. To be really really alone.

I've been working everyday. As of last week, I've had a one day break that was just enough for me to catch up on my sleep. Honestly, as strange as this sounds..working is harder then studying full time. My work entails me being on the phone constantly, talking to some randomn Indian over on the other side of the world. Too faraway for me to comprehend. It entails me having to be on my feet all the time (actually, it's more because I refuse to sit on the chair as it's freaking high and uncomfortable), it entails me having to pretend to be cheerful and chirpy even when I'm not, it entails that I have to polite to be most unreasonable of people even when i don't feel like it - so essentially, when you put everything together, you get a really tired me at the end of the day. Or rather, at the end of three full working days.

I just so felt like doing all the wrong things yesterday. As in like intentionally do all the wrong things just to irritate the people that I dislike. Like not paying the 30 bucks that some certain pastor of mine, make it sound like he really doesn't mind me not everything and all those things. In all honesty, perhaps I'm a little disillusioned with what's going on with my life at the moment. I mean I do know that I have a GOD in my life, I know that there's a greater being in charge of my life and watching over me as well, the problem's though I'm not happy where the leadership is taking me. Especially with the overseer of my cell. I mean it's ok to know where I am going and everything, but if it entails having to push me around and make me feel as if I'm suffocating all the time - being pressured into making decisions and doing certain things, I don't really like it. It's stifling.

Perhaps. I'm just tired.