Hanging on

" I can sense in my spirit that you've got big dreams...but let me put it this way, failure is ok because with failure you learn to become an overcomer, and to be an overcomer is so much better than to just succeed. To overcome and succeed, is to successful in itself..."

Ben told me that on saturday when i was speaking to him. Ben's the marketing guy in J2K the company that i'm working for, an ex-fairsian ( can't believe the coincidence!). Ben's the type of person that if you see him in Singapore, he would be deemed a failure - was a tyrant and a rebel in fairfield, failed promos in SA, failed his course in ngee ann poly.

But you know the special thing about his life was that he didn't fail. He's here in Australia now, was the top marketing student in his year, had a shot at the food industry, which was his dream and now he's one of the "head" people in J2k.

Ben's words struck a raw nerve. It hit something, some place that I have been struggling with eversince I begin in AC, eversince I came to uni. School has and i guess will always be a struggle for me. A struggle for grades, a struggle to convince myself that the decisions I'm making now would be right. And because I've constantly been fighting so hard, failure was never an option. Everytime I fell, I fought to overcome it. Everytime someone tried to push me down, I would work harder to prove that person wrong.

It never ends. This fight I'm trying to win.

And because of that, Ben's words bothered me alot. I mean what if God decided that he would let me fail something to let me learn? What if it was this really expensive degree? This thing that I've been wanting to do all my life? What if it was my dream of helping the people when I get out of school? In all honesty, that thought scares me because I cannot accept failure for trying so hard and trying my best , even though i know things work out for those who love him. It's hard because it just is.

What makes it even harder is that I'm still finding it hard to trust someone here. The person that I thought that I can trust, that pastor, turns out to be someone that I can't confide in. I don't wanna trouble Darren because he's got his own problems to worry about and he hears me whine enough. And because trust comes with time, only the people back home would understand. It's different though, talking on the phone and having someone's physical presence.

So I'm still learning.

Luopo. have fun back home
Becky. take care of yourself.
Shan. Remember to take a break silly girl.
Charms. BLOG soon.