Going away

I decided to blog now, this time around instead of procrastinating because as it is, I might eventually forget what I've got in my mind.

I've been reading entries of those people who are about to leave or who have already left, there are those who are all ready to go and there are the other few who have those "what-ifs" that we all know cannot be answered till very much later, when if you want to turn back is too late. Going abroad, to leave everything behind is a huge step, I often think it's more than a step of faith, more than stepping out of your comfort zone. I haven't found exactly something to describe it perfectly, although I doubt I ever will.

I recall the time when I left. I remember that I left in a rush. I remember that it went by so fast that it didn't sink in. I remember that I regretted not being able to spend enough time with everyone that I wanted to. They were all really brief. I remember that till the very minute I left to go to the airport, my naive mind was still looking forward to the fact that I was going to be away from my parents, a good chance to be alone - that hey, they can no longer nag at me. I remember that I cried so hard that my nose bled on the flight back. I remembered that I was so scared that I would cry myself to bed every night. I remember that I missed home so much that I before I went to bed every night I wish pray that I would be transported back home just for that few hours.

Most of all, I remember that I left in denial and ignorance. Alot of pain and alot of tears that I could not tell anyone about.

It was hard leaving home and I'm thankful that I got through it. Really. It was hard. It was harder than I expected it to be. Because I just wasn't prepared.

It's coming again soon. 14 more days before it's back to Melbourne for me. This time for a year I hope. I know I've got alot more growing up to do, though at least this time I know I'm not carrying such a huge burden, not so much pain and not so much regrets.

So please know those who are away and even those who are here, I pray for strength upon your shoulders, I pray for determination to carry you through, I pray for light steps and light hearts, I pray for joy (joy knowing that God has a greater plan for each and everyone of us). I pray for his light to guide you in those dark times and that you'll be lifted always.