In another mood

I woke up from my sleep to the sound of that voice

From the words that I heard I had no choice

They told me I had to turn around

My assurance slowly faded down

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And I wonder

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Will I ever make it home

Will I ever leave the ground

Leave this place so far behind

The plans that I had were quickly destroyed

The problem was one I couldn't avoid

They welcomed me to stay overnight

I'm too tired to complain so i just might

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And I wonder

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Will I ever make it home

To the place I recognize

Far from here and where I've been

And all the places that I've been shown

Will I ever make it home

Can they keep me here for good

Where I hardly know a soul

And my fear keeps going on

My weariness keeps growing inside

My patience is starting to subside

And I hope I'll be there soon

It can't be long or I'll fall through

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Will I ever make it home

Will I ever leave the ground

Leave this place so far behind

Till there is no turning back

Will I ever make it home

Get to where I wanna be

Find the ones who wait for me

To the place where I belong

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Will I ever make it home

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-Ingram Hill, Will I ever make it home.

I was browsing through, just surfing - a good form of escape from reality to search for something that might really express how I'm feeling at the moment. And perhaps, the song above encompasses it all. I don't know what happened today that made me so grumpy, so sick of being home, so tired of life. Maybe I'm thinking too much, but I think the much more probable reason is that I'm still searching for who I'm going to be. I know I'm going to become a lawyer, and if all things go well, a psychologist too, BUT THEN, how, who am I going to be like when I grow up?

Perhaps, everything now, everywhere I've been, everything that I'm going through is all temporal. And they'll all disappear be taken away from me tommorrow. I don't know. It's sad to think that something like that might happen, but I'm really tired having to keep up. Really tired to follow the chase, can I have the permission to just runaway for a bit?

I know I'll never be happy if I keep compromising on what I think and conform to what society expects of me, but would I be happy if I do otherwise? Would I be happy when I go against the tide? I don't think I would be.

I'm a little lost right now. Maybe hockey tommorrow would do some good.
Singapore's going to win.

Cheers to the life that I'll live tommorrow. Hopefully I wouldn't be grumpy, I wouldn't be sad. BUT like Bridget I'll always be seeking and finding for that happiness that always so near yet far. We'll see.

I HATE LIVING LIKE THAT.