Ode.

dearest mummy and daddy,

I woke up feeling very sucky today. Detached from myself. i don't know why. i'm trying to choose to be contented, trying to be happy. But i don't know why i woke up feeling this way today. Is it because I had so much fun yesterday that i'm now feeling guilty that i did? or is it because that all the fun meant spending alot of money that proved to be a temporal joy? i don't know. I just know that i wouldn't mind a hug now at this every moment. because i don't feel myself, maybe a hug will bring it all together. Just that there's no one to give me a hug at the moment..no one here that i would like a hug from.

I know i promised to be strong and i know i will be. I know this will go away, it's just that at this moment..i'm suddenly feeling very low again. I tried cleaning the whole kitchen but it didn't help. I wish these "lowliness" would just go away because it felt terribly good standing on my own 2 feet, it felt good feeling that the world was out there for me to conquer, it felt good knowing that i wasn't alone, it felt good feeling that even the most gloomiest and grumpiest day couldn't halt my tracks. It felt good having some form of control. All i'm asking today is that even with what i'm feeling, i wouldn't be impatient with anyone. I wouldn't be intolerant. I wouldn't be intolerable. I would try hard to pretend being what i'm not because I'm GOING to choose to be happy.

But i'm suddenly scared of growing up. of being an adult. of being very faraway from you guys. because i don't know what to do when i'm feeling this way and alone.

Thanx for being around, mum and dad.
i'll be alright soon i'm sure.

Forever is a long time
to be without you in my life
I wanna keep you by my side
Coz' forever is a long time.