I HATE HATE FALLING DOWN

yes as the title suggests, i hate falling down..i really really do, i don't mean the whole emotional thing BUT rather the actual physical act of falling down, i think it brings to light how weak i am, it lets the world know that i'm at my most succeptible at that moment, the weakest, when i'm in deep in thought, when the rest of the world doesn't matter..Falling down, scrapping my knees brings me back to REALITY, that hey there is a world around me that i've gotta pay attention to and I HATE IT..i really really do, i wish sometimes when in moments like these i could just lay in bed and just THINK about it..sometimes i wished the world would just stop for me (although yes i know it's really selfish to want the world to do that)

i've been thinking about alot of things lately, how do you mourn with those who mourn? how do you explain to someone that the world isn't all that devoid of hope although it seems like it? how do you explain to someone who's on the verge of breakdown that there's still that light at the end of the tunnel? how do you teach those who dont' know how to appreciate the little things in life that it's those things that are so insignificant that make up our lives? i don't know ya know, i really really really don't..and i hate it..I HATE NOT KNOWING

I HATE HAVING SCRAPPED KNEES
I HATE LETTING THE WORLD SEE WHAT I REALLY AM INSIDE
I HATE BEING SO WEAK
I HATE BEING SO BAD AT COMFORTING OTHERS WHEN I HAVE TO SAY THINGS

i know it's impossible to be good at everything, yet i want to be..at least good at those things that matter to me..i realise that i only cry after i fall physically, i'm good at keeping everything inside, but when i fall, it's cracking an egg, everything on the inside starts pouring it out and I HATE IT..I REALLY REALLY DO.

chocolate cake and cherry trees,
rainbow dreams and starlight dust,
wishing wells, painted shells,
if i only i wasn't all that weak.

know i just realised that being sick ain't such a bad deal afterall..it's a good excuse to just lie in bed and think, good excuse to tell everyone to get outta ya face..i COULD deal with being sick